Iowa
Stayed with my Uncle Shaftoe (family nickname) and his clowder of feral cats.

South Dakota
Hot popped corn at the Mitchell Corn Palace.
A bunch of girls basketball going on.
Kids in halls doing goofs.

Wanted to see The Badlands.
Booked an authentic 1880s frontier homestead.
No electricity, no plumbing.
Wood burning stove, out house.
It was -10º.

The homestead was deemed too authentic.
Trudged thru the unforgiving beauty to a chain motel.
Drank a beer across from Wall Drug.

Private show thru The Black Hills.
Stuffed a twenty down the cleavage of a ponderosa pine.

Went to check on Crazy Horse.
It had been over 25 years.
He has a face now, but doesn't look very happy.
It's not easy being trapped in a rock. 

Wyoming
Ate stuffed pepper soup.
Over the phone my wife asked me how it was.
Red I said.

Encountered blinding snow drifts driving into the sun.
For the birds.

Colorado
Legal marijuana at a shop in the parking lot of a mall.
Quick, cheap and friendly.
Though I think we should abolish the term "budtender."

Walked around Boulder all freaked out like a hippie.
Wrote down some amazing ideas which I'll share with you as long as you promise not to steal them.

buffalo mermaid
One man zoo
Diamond hams

Found the Mork & Mindy house and stared at it.
Munchies included a Colorado style mountain pie pizza served with honey.

Had to ditch the rest of the legalized gay marijuana in a dumpster.
There ought to be a deposit box at the border to share unused pot to inbound visitors.
I wonder if I'm becoming a communist.

Utah
White fog.
Can't see no nuthin.
Got lost trying to find a ghost town.

Arches National Park.
What a bunch of show-off rocks.
Ended up hiking onto the Arch itself. Oops.
A group of Spaniards yelled from the proper vista point. They wanted to know how I got there.
I wanted to know how they got there.
Nature in Comedy.

Bookended the state without another white knuckle white-out thru the mountains.
Rotten!

Nevada
Found a room in a casino for $30.
Caught an Elvis show and sat behind Elvis' mother.
Elvis' dad was on stage operating the karaoke machine.
Elvis went obscure ("Wooden Heart" "The Fair Is Moving On") but closed with a stand-up-or-you're-not-American version of "American Trilogy." A retired vet held The Flag, men removed their hats, and cellphone flashlights waved high through the cigarette smoke.

Had Vegas for breakfast.
Did the Fremont Street Experience sans experience.
Large PA speakers obscure neon icons like Cowboy Vic and the Golden Goose, who remain unlit during daylight.
But you can zip-line down a 12 story slot machine.
And if you're over 350 lbs, there's a hamburger shop that lets you eat free. A large, loud scale shames - I mean rewards - the winners.

Toured the Neon Boneyard and opted for a ghost burger at a haunted saloon in Goodsprings.

California
Took the backroads thru the Mojave Desert.
Joshua Trees, dippy roads, roadrunners.
A purple sunset before the long descent to LA.